dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
