my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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