I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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