i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
