He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize