hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
