Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
True college students do jello shots in the library
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
