is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
