the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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