I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
