She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
