I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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