Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
