i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
