3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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