you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
