I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I AM VODKA MAN
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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