Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize