she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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