And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
