So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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