I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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