totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize