Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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