y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
