I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize