I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
