I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My liver is preforming stress tests.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize