I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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