Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
