his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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