Cold hands, warm shart.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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