Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
