we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Its about making memories worth repressing
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
