maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
