I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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