your room smells of hookers.
And success
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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