The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
