i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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