I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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