its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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