Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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