Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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