I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Houston, we have a squirter
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize