We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
