I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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