Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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