we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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