I think I died a long time ago.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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