No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
