i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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