Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
