dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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