Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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