I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
3 2 1 whiskey
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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