see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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