woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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