he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
