Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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