She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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