i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
