she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They took my balls.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize