Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
