I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
