Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
