I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You made out with two different species that night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
