Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
