i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
