how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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