so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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